dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
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