She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
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