2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
Randomize