Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
Randomize
