piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Randomize
