i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Randomize
