there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
