I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Randomize
