Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
Randomize
