Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
Randomize
