You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
i've created a new STD.
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
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