My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
My penis needs a shock collar
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
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