Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
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