I totally got off with my controler for my ps3. Soooo glad I ended up with that racing game for Christmas.
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
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