I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
Randomize
