It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
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