I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
he fucked my hip out of place.
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
Randomize
