its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
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