You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
Randomize
