can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Randomize
