fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
Randomize
