this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
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