Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
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