the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
Randomize
