Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
Randomize
