Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
Randomize