every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
got a scholarship and a hot psych teacher. hello spring 2010
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
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