i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
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