THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
Randomize