I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
