I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
fuck your aforementioned shoe
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
