before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
Randomize
