one word: firstdatebathroomanal
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
Randomize
