Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
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