I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
Randomize
