The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
Randomize
