mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
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