fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
Randomize
