I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
