Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
please come you make the beer taste better
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
Randomize
