True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
my nose is crying tears of wow.
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
Randomize
