Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
Randomize
