if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
