I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
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