the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
Randomize