Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
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