My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
Randomize
