Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
Randomize
