If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
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