Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
Randomize
