When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
Randomize
