went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
Randomize
