i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
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