Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
Randomize
