i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
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