no, he came in my armpit
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
