The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
Randomize
