I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
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