I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
Randomize
