Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
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