South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
I think I just sharted jello shots
Randomize
