Banned from zoo.
Again?
Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
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