i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
Randomize
