Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
The adults are the big ones right?
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
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