Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
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