the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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