I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
